THE TWILIGHT SAGA NEW MOON 2009 MOVIE MOVIE

Let's just back way the fuck up, though: I just indicated some level of conflict involving Bella's vampire boyfriend and the werewolf boy she keeps cock-teasing, but no no no, that's not the conflict we want to see in New Moon, is it? Certainly not when we could spend the longest hour of our lives watching as she misses Edward so much that she'd rather slip into a coma than even fathom the possibility of dating another guy. Anyway, having concluded that a) Edward loves her b) he is leaving her to ensure her safety, Edward finally bursts out with an 'I don't want you to come,' which Bella immediately misconstrues - without him correcting her - as 'I don't want to be with you', and we're off the races for 130 exciting minutes of watching a high school senior feel lots of self-pity because her boyfriend doesn't love her, even though she knows to an absolute certainty that he does, but how else is she going to accidentally set up a completely artificial and uncompelling love triangle with Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), a local Quileute Indian boy who has a mighty crush on Bella for no reason that makes any sense - the same reason every boy in Forks has for crushing on Bella - and who, we find out in due course, has inherited the gene that turns certain Quileute males into werewolves werewolves whose only drive in life is to hunt and kill vampires. So she, naturally, demands to come along, not apparently realising that if she's with him, they don't have to leave Forks in the first place, which is- nevermind, documenting every moment where Bella is stupid would take too much of the review.

See, Edward tells Bella that he's leaving, and she's like, 'you're doing this because you think you're going to hurt me,' and he's like, 'yes, that's right'.

Ah, but things are not so easy when you are dating an undead monster who feeds on human blood, and when the accident-prone Bella manages to slice open her finger at he birthday party, all of the Cullens save for Edward and his clan leader, Carlisle (Peter Facinelli), flip their shit a little bit, trying not to pounce on the boy's new ladyfriend.ДЇearing that he cannot keep his love safe - that, in fact, his mere existence puts her in danger - Edward demands that the whole Cullen family leave the sleepy grey town of Forks, Washington, instigating one of the fakest false conflicts in the history of English-language narrative. So, when last we saw the dead-eyed, mopey Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), she had just settled in to what she expected to be a long, happy life with her vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), having mistaken his obsessed stalking as charming, instead of goddamn creepy.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA NEW MOON 2009 MOVIE MOVIE

I care about this not for any particular reason other than finding New Moon, by any title, to be such a dispiriting, boring film that any time I can waste on the semiotics of film titles instead of the actual content of the movie is time I would reckon as well spent. The ad campaign clearly describes it as The Twilight Saga: New Moon, which is probably the 'right' title, despite being clumsy and stupid the opening of the film merely states New Moon, following the title of the novel by Stephenie Meyer and during the end credits, its referred to as Twilight Saga: New Moon, no 'the'.

The sequel to 2008's Twilight is one of those movies where you're not exactly sure even what the title is.

The twilight saga new moon 2009 movie